A picture-less ad says: “I am so ugly I didn’t want to risk a photo,” “I am married,” or “I am on the run from Broadmoor.” Everyone who likes your main photo will want to see more. Whether you’re a man or a woman, a photo with your shirt off makes you look desperate and/or only interested in sex. This is a cruel fact of life for online dating beginners, especially men. Likewise, you won’t “keep them keen” by making them wait days for a reply. Don’t allow an email conversation to drag on for weeks without a date.Not because they can’t get enough of you, but because a single photo is not a reliable indicator of what you look like. Use photos and emails for spotting potential, but don’t start fancying the pants off a two-dimensional image. More men than women advertise on most dating sites, so the girls get the pick of the bunch. Read the profiles that get most views, and pick up tips from them. You may think you’re “connecting”, but you can’t judge chemistry unless you meet up.Now I’m ready to give it another shot, because I’ve hit upon a theory – one that will exorcise my dating demons and turn me into a great seducer of women. If we’d met on a Friday, who knows what would have happened. I think she enjoyed our chat but it was hard to tell. I produce a biography of Tito from my bag but the coincidence fails to stimulate conversation. Apparently women like someone noticing little details in their outfit. Conversation – or the lack of it – has been playing on my mind.
The theory goes that when you’re learning a skill – whether it’s ninjutsu or 21st century mating rituals – you’ll make greater progress if you practise intensively. After 30 minutes on Tinder – the app that lets people hook up with the swipe of a finger – frantically registering my interest with no regard for acne, bodyweight or bad teeth, I’m rewarded with several matches. “If you want to appear confident, be armed with something to open with. Talk about the weather if you have to.” K from Tinder is a nice, slightly chubby nanny. Loads can't) My second nanny of the day, teetotal L, again from Lovestruck.
For the next month, I’m going to date as many women as possible. I’m met by E at a Tube station on a freezing Sunday night. She’s from Lovestruck, originally from Riga, and works in Mayfair for an oil company. I suspect she would put out if we met over wine, rather than coffee and cake. Sublime planning means I only have to walk 100m to my next date, B from Lovestruck, who sadly hasn’t walked 100m herself in quite some time. Delightfully dim but, that apart, she’s not my type.
(Related: a lunch date with the most exciting woman in food - Gizzi Erskine) I spend Sunday evening with F, a petite Spanish peasant from Lovestruck.
She’s furious about the amount of tax she pays in the UK; I pick up the bill for her three large Merlots and head home alone.
Second, they sound like an exact description of the writer’s ex.
Don’t even think about posting a dating advert without a photo. You meet, and the blood drains from their face as they realise that your photo was taken 10 years, five stone and 500 wrinkles ago. You don’t have to write someone an epic love letter (please don’t) – just pick out a couple of appealing points in their ad and write a quick intro email. Some rookies assume that they must answer every email, even if it’s “thanks, but no thanks”. “Thanks but no thanks” can feel more hurtful than no reply.
If you like someone, you have nothing to lose by letting them know.
If they are interested, they’ll be happy that you called.
If they’re not interested, at least you’ll know – and you can move on to the next date.
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You’re two grown-ups, not a sugardaddy and his gold-digger.